Hey! So this is my third blog post. We were assigned another reading. This one is "A Fable for Living" by Kevin Brockmeier. This story was quite hard for me to grasp at first. I couldn't tell if the woman was basically delusional and just writing to herself after she had lost her fiance, or if this is just a totally fictional story and there really was a whole other world living underneath of them. Either way, it was a great story and I had to use a decent amount of my imagination. I feel as though her writing those letters helped herself and find happiness again, and that is what this blog post will be about. Me writing a letter to my author self in order to connect with myself better.
A Fable for Living Disclaimer: A little background information before you read on, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder not too long ago, so this is basically me having a conversation with my "normal" self and my "Bipolar" self. Dear Self, There's a number of things I want to apologize for. I know I'm not the most understanding when it comes to much of anything or anyone, but I really feel the need to get this off of my chest. I've put you through some tough times from being stubborn, mean, resentful, and just flat out crazy at times. You always came out ahead with the strength I didn't have and you have kept us together. It feels like I am this terrible storm with rain and lightening, destroying every town it hits, and you come around the next day with beautiful, sunny, 75 degree weather. So, this is me apologizing for how hectic my behavior can be, and used to be, for it was much worse before. Our entire life has been this way, and I'm not sure how I could ever show you how sorry I really am. I didn't know any better. They say it's not completely all my fault, but for some reason it just feels like it is. I have been doing my best not to feel so guilty, so we can hopefully move past this. I know I have held you back all of these years, but I also want you to know that it's okay to not be where you want to be at. You have been working so hard since the moment you had to. Always having multiple jobs, trying to figure out what you wanted to do with your career, trying out college- although you flunked out of Algebra several frustrating times. All of that on top of having me crashing down on you so many times. You have to give yourself a break and learn how to breathe, just like I am learning that not every moment needs a reaction. You are worthy of love and you will find that someday. Anyone who couldn't handle both of us, probably was not right for you anyway, and you need to understand that. From this moment on, I promise we will work together to get through this life. Although it may seem that I have all of the bad qualities, I do think I have some fortunate ones too. For example, my aggressiveness. If it wasn't for that, you would've let even more people walk all over you, and even more men treat you like crap in your relationships. Another one, is how I will make you speak your opinion openly and confidently. You never used to do that as a teenager, you were shy and afraid to speak up about anything. Now, you love being the center of attention, most of the time that is, and I think I have a ton do to with that, too. We have to be able to come together and work together. The first step we have to make is you forgiving me. If you're able to do so, we have to work things out together for the rest of this time. Any time one of us feels down about something, the other side has to pick it up. After we can establish this relationship, I hope we can always guide each other to accomplish anything that comes our way. Thank you for listening to me, as this was not very easy to do, for I know I am your dark side of the moon. I hope we can make this work. Love, Self
3 Comments
Sabatino
2/3/2020 07:10:51 am
This letter explores the raw emotions shared between multiple selves. I appreciate the acknowledgment of "bad" and "fortunate" qualities -- that our emotions, mindsets, and behaviors can be multiple. Seems like a holistic assessment of selves, right?
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Daniel
2/6/2020 09:20:15 am
I really really enjoy how much power that is in your blog about your author-self. It really shows how much you want to connect with it.
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Nate Horan
2/6/2020 09:22:35 am
As someone who also struggles with mental illness, I really connected with your letter. I think using my author self to help me get through things is something I need to do as well.
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Kellie KalbachThis is my blog page. I'm using this page to experience the beautiful yet messy process of writing. Enjoy! Archives
May 2020
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