Hello! This is blog post number 6. This week, we are writing more towards our narrative project, which is a memoir. We were assigned to read "Rewinding & Rewriting: The Alternate Universe Inside Our Heads. This article is about thinking the outcome of a situation to be different than what actually happened. This is something I do constantly myself, and I'm sure damn near everyone else does it, too. For this blog post, I'm going to write about if the outcome of my experience for my memoir would've ended up, if I could have changed the situation behind it.
Rewinding & Rewriting: The Alternate Universes in Our Heads (NPR Hidden Brain Episode) I open my fridge to get the chicken and vegetables I was making myself for dinner. It was a Friday evening, and I had off on Fridays at the time. As I get the seasonings out of the cabinet, I got the sudden urge to just throw everything on the floor. The chicken, the veggies, seasonings. And I did. I had a total mental breakdown. I destroyed my entire kitchen as I was making myself dinner. I sat on the floor for a while. I was crying and my head was all over the place. What the hell just happened to me? Why did I just lash out like that? The crazy thing is, that isn't the first time this happened, but it was the time when I totally realized how bad my emotions were effecting my life. I had been prescribed a bottle of pain killers for a neck injury I had at the time, while I also had a bottle of vodka in my freezer. My thought process with these two was, horrible, as you can imagine at this point. I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't want to stress and struggle through life anymore. I was exhausted from my emotions controlling every single thing I did in my life, making it a giant shit show. I was living alone, I was broke, in debt from booking impulsed trips that I couldn't afford nor did I even go on any of them; I didn't care about a fucking thing in this moment. My boyfriend at the time was at work. I called him in the middle of this breakdown I was having. We didn't have a healthy relationship. He was extremely controlling and he didn't understand me at all. But I didn't know what else to do or else to call, because I knew I didn't want to do this, but this dark, disgusting voice in my head was tempting me tremendously. As I talked to him on the phone, this was probably the only time he had actually gotten off on his damn ego throne and helped me through yet another episode I was having. He could tell it was even more so serious this time that it usually was. I sat on the floor for a good solid hour, while I had the pill bottle and vodka bottle next to me, as he talked me out of ending my life. "You do not want to do this, Kellie. Think about what your mom would feel like. Think about how you haven't even experienced anything life has to offer yet. You are more than this illness you have. You cannot let it take you down this way." What if I didn't call him? What if he wasn't able to talk me out of it? What if I just went along and did what I intentionally wanted to do? I most likely wouldn't be here right now. And that's a very scary thought. Although there was a ton of bad times after this moment,there has been so many great moments after it, too. I started college again. I finally moved into a nice apartment and out of the shit holes I was living in.
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Sabatino
3/2/2020 01:28:27 pm
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Kellie KalbachThis is my blog page. I'm using this page to experience the beautiful yet messy process of writing. Enjoy! Archives
May 2020
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